Leveticus

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It's not usually advisable to discuss religion, but hey, we're all adults right (ok, not you, but most people!)?

Laura Schlesinger is a US radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show.
On her radio show recently she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance.

The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, penned by a US resident, which was posted on the Internet.

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is: how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2. clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, as we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Intriguing stuff huh. Right, which one of you sinners wants to burn first?

15 Comments

Can I get an Amen?

My favourite passage from the bible is 2 Corinthians 2:14 that says... God always leads us in a triumph... my sunday school teacher always got pissed when I asked what colour it was...

i award you one of my great keyboard spasms for hilarity:
sskjdfnskdjfnsdkjf asdkasjdn!!

Which roughly translates as laughing too hard to type properly...only slightly ruined in effect by announcing it beforehand!

CC, this is cool!

Bear...NICE.

Triumphs... motorbike or car though?

Unless it's a motorbike sidecar, I'd say it would have to be a car because of God being 'in' it.

Is God driving?
Does God have a license?

Oh yes indeed I ADORE this particular letter and have ever since it started circulating the internet. I always wonder how many "fundamentalist" Christians have bothered to find out how correct their current translation of the "WORD OF GOD" is...because ya know it wasn't written in ENGLISH people! Thanks for the laugh!

OI! Thats older than me! :-)

WOO! Check it out!!!

"Excellent" .. with flashing lights & trumpets

Nice letter. Draws things together very well. Judaeo-Christianity isn't alone it these archaic oddities. Most "religions" have some rulebook which nowadays seems bizarre. Menstruating women, certain creatures and the same foods always seem to feature.

I would say that Sunday School teachers over-imbibing the Communion Wine is definitely an abomination...

Adrian, you beat me to it.

Ms E, I'm good at beating things.

Ahem never mind. :-)

*chortle* Ahem, why Adrian, I have no idea what you mean by that ;)

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